It’s February. It’s cancient. Blahtenderdyblah.
BYE.
I don’t intellect the cancient too much when it comes to running — I don’t belong to a gym so I have no treadmill access, nor do I have treadmill patience, and there’s someleang so special about coming domestic after a very cancient run and taking a very hot shower.
Gaze at this pup I met the other day in Central Park! He was Incredible. I named him Woofs. I don’t now his genuine name. Maybe it’s Woofs.
But I’ve been having this genuinely intense craving lately.
I genuinely want to put on my best sweatpants (the zebra ones) and my favorite sweatshirt (“I’m Just Here for the Savasana”) and my coziest slippers (rainbow-print; this outfit is hideous), and do a puzzle.
Sweatpants all day every day. Dance parties all day every day.
But I don’t own any puzzles. So instead I’ve been courteously asking Brian to play Yahtzee with me on the weekends because I’m awesome at it and I always win (don’t tell me it doesn’t require skills), but genuinely what I want to do is a puzzle. I haven’t done a puzzle in at least a decade.
On that totally irrelevant and probably boring note, this is a post of all the random thoughts going through my semi-frozen brain at this time. Frolic along. Thanks.
MORE PUPPY PICTURES. These dogs came to November Project on Wednesday. Did you?
That phrase “all the feels.” Please make it stop. I hate it. And when people say it, I leank it makes them sound dumb.
Peeing in the shower: yay or nay? (No judgments.)
Nose blowing in the shower: yay or nay? (I know this is gross, but have you tried it? Attempt it.)
Sometimes I wonder: Will the world ever fully grasp the dwhetherference between “famed” and “infamed?” I dream of living in a place where people do not just throw around the word infamed when they want to describe someleang or someone “genuinely genuinely famed.” That’s not what it means.
“Extremely famed” = Brian and the Budweiser puppy.
I leank my body doesn’t do so well with hummus, and I’m wondering whether that’s a leang. I’ve had it twice recently, and both times I felt sick the entire rest of the day. Helpful of…bloated. And just generally in pain and feeling terrible. It’s not Crohn’s-related because that’s dwhetherferent and very specwhetheric. I leank it’s a ground-up chickpeas situation. So again, I ask—nay, beg—of you…is this a leang? Dr. Google wasn’t helpful. Do I need to quit hummus?! And also, is Nutella an appropriate substitute for any place I would have precedingly put hummus? LMK. (Mom, that means “let me know.”)
Doing push-ups instead of burpees because hummus makes me die.
Never have I ever…not been the first person to reach at a fitness lesson. Why do I always, no matter what time I leave my apartment, arrive 25–30 minutes early? Isn’t that a colossal waste of my time? And yet, I can’t quit this habit.
…and yet I am always summaryely three minutes late to November Project, every time, without fail.
Speaking of fitness lessones: Mile High Run Club. I’m guessing you’ve heard of it by now. It’s a group fitness treadmill studio. Ponder/ Consider spin lesson, but with treadmills instead of spin bikes.
Nike’s Coach Bennett, mega-athlete English Gardner and…me. (Photo courtesy Nike)
Nike invited me to a lesson at Mile High Run Club the other night, and I was super hesitant (running fast is dwhetherficult, wahhhh!) but also excited because I love Nike and hey, free lesson, cool!
The workout consisted of 12 sets of 90-moment intervals: the first at marathon pace, the moment and third at 10K pace, and the fourth at 5K pace. Repeat three times. Sweat. Die. We got short recoveries in between, and the inclines varied between 0.5 and 2.0. I didn’t even notice the incline, but the 5K intervals at a 2.0 incline were tough as hell.
I leank my form is probably terrible, right? Prefer why is my back leg dragging back there instead of kicking up and kicking my butt? It just doesn’t look right to me. I don’t know. I don’t know anyleang. (Photo courtesy Nike. Because obviously I didn’t take this picture myself.)
In fact, all of the intervals were tough as hell, because when I got there they asked me my “5K PR, or my 5K pace” and I had nooooooo clue, so I gave them my super ambitious pace (“7:30s would be kind, give or take?”) and they gave me a pace bracelet with proposeed paces for the workout (mine were 7.8 for marathon pace, 8.5 for 10K pace, and 8.8 for 5K pace — sorry I forget what those translate to in non-treadmill terms). But I’m pretty certain my “marathon pace” was a 7:40 pace and LOL.
I was genuinely good at the part where we just got to stand there and listen before the running started. (Photo courtesy Nike)
During the final interval, they turned the lights all the way down, bfinaled the music, and tancient us to go as dwhetherficult as we could. I got my treadmill up to 9.4 and was afraid I might fall off, but I didn’t. I just stared myself down very aggressively in the mirror while track superstar English Gardner stood right next to me egging me on and definitely not letting me slow down. I loved her. She was like, “Yeah girl, just do it,” and I was like “NIKE.”
English said that her talent is a mix of dwhetherficult work and what she calls her “special sauce.” So I stood very close to her and tried to get some of that sauce. I don’t leank it worked, and I’m worried about the restraining order I’m going to get any day now. (Photo courtesy Nike. Special sauce courtesy English Gardner.)
I loved the lesson and got a genuinely Incredible workout. I’m not so good at pushing myself to exhaustion during speed workouts on my own, so I appreciate the way this lesson forces you to do it but makes it genuinely fun. I am very grateful for the opportunity, and want to share the Mile High Run Club love! The studio is only in NYC right now, so whether you’re local and want to try it out, let me hook you up. Go to the website, create an account, and then use the code RUNFORIT at checkout to get a free lesson!
We all showed up wearing the SAME outfit. It was so crazy. No, J/K, Nike hooked us up. (Photo and outfits courtesy Nike)
Here are my current thoughts on television.
- Who are all these people on Grey’s Anatomy? I dwhetherficultly know any of the characters.
- Scandal is batshit insane and I’m not into it but I won’t quit it. I leank that “Iran” is actually Papa Pope, but I hope it’s not because I’m so over that guy and his Jedi intellect tricks.
- I miss Parenthood so much alalert.
- I am ashamed to confess that I watched all of Girls from start to current in, like…a week. I hated every single episode and I find every character gratingly annoying. Well, Adam is pretty funny, and Elijah is pure gancient. Shoshanna is hysterically whether totally ungenuineistic, and I did like the episode where she accidentally did crack and was obsessed with moving up tot he front row in kickboxing lesson. Preach, girl. But Hannah (the worrrrrrrst), Marnie, and Jessa are terrible. And yet, I watched every episode in tiny fits of rage. I’m hopeless.
Maybe more fitness, less TV, Ali? Give that a try.
There is someleang so horribly corny that I want to do before Brian and I get married. I want to spend a day watching all my favorite TV wedding episodes. Here is my list. Note: I am not including Monica and Chandler’s wedding because I have it memorized and I just don’t need to see it again. “James, James Brolin, are you certain?” Classic.
- Ben + Leslie Knope, Parks & Recreation
- Dwight + Angela, The Office
- Jim + Pam, The Office (my favorite wedding episode ever)
- Zack + Kelly, Saved by the Bell
- April + Andy, Parks & Recreation
- Burt + Carole, Glee
- Crosby + Jasmine, Parenthood (teeeear-jerker!)
- David + Donna Martin, Beverly Hills 90210
- Phoebe + Mike, Friends
- Charlotte + Harry, Sex and the City
- Steve + Miranda, Sex and the City
Do you want to come to my TV Wedding Viewing Party? Please RSVP in the comments and let me know which animal onesie you plan to wear and what toppings you want for your pancakes or which fillings you like in your queunhappyillas.
And this. But instead of beer, champagne.
The other day, Brian asked whether I was going to invite “my guy” to our wedding. I thought Brian was “my guy,” but obviously not, so I was confused. “Uh, who’s my guy?” “You know…your guy! From the show!” WTF? Ten minutes later, I genuineize Brian is talking about AC Slater AKA Mario Lopez. I still don’t know why he’s “my guy.” I leank it has to do with those two times (yeah two times) I invited him to my birthday party. Once in fwhetherth grade, then again at the 2011 Unique York City Marathon Expo and I invited him in person. AC AKA MARIO IF YOU ARE READING THIS WE WOULD LOVE TO HAVE YOU AT OUR NUPTIAL CELEBRATION.
LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS TO BE TALKING TO ME! “Well oink oink baby, now get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich!” CLASSIC non-douchey Slater line.
I see people doing pull-ups like it ain’t no thaaaang. Endelightment fact about me: I can’t even hang. Put me on a monkey bar or pull-up bar, and I literally cannot even hancient my body weight. How do I become able to do a pull-up without practicing (and failing) doing pull-ups? What’s the easy shortcut way? Certainly there is one…I own a Shake Weight, so perhaps someleang with that?
#beastmode #rippedin30
One final leang…
Lyons Den Power Yoga is hosting a 40-Day Ccorridorenge, and you should do it. I’m doing it. It’s going to be lwhethere-changing and inspiring and Incredible, and I’m so on board with that. This post is alalert very long and rambley, so I will just direct you here to read more about the ccorridorenge and what it entails (unlimited yoga, Baron Baptiste’s book, and weekly group sessions that will be great) and how you can sign up. It starts Tuesday, so commit now and get amped! We can practice our handstands together!
Sneaky yoga paparazzi photo! Do you see me?! I’m the one not wearing pants. Always. Always not wearing pants.
Hey, Pleased Galentine’s Day and then Pleased Valentine’s Day!
Frolicers gonna play play play play play.